This is a story about how I lost a job that maybe I would or wouldn't have ever been offered, that I never even knew existed until after I saw it in print. This is a story of how I missed a dream date with Howard Stern's Miss America.
I'd been listening to The Howard Stern Show since January of '86, after I had moved to New York City. Love him or hate him, it's difficult not to be drawn in to Stern's brand of radio. Especially since it was - and still is, I believe - the single most interesting radio show ever broadcast. Stern's show is the ongoing, never-ending round-table of blunt adult talk & play, laugh-out loud humor, and quite simply the most consistently in-depth honest interviews that you will never get anywhere else in this world of canned talk shows.
In December 1993, Stern was planning a Pay Per View live special called Howard Stern's New Year's Rotten Eve. I had already made my PPV reservation, and was looking forward to enjoying the show while I ate pizza through the new year. Howard was giving away tickets to the live show from time to time, and I would always try to win a pair.
One day I was about to fall asleep while listening to the show, when another opportunity to win came up again. I remember dialing the phone half-heartedly, and I would always get busy signals, or the phone would ring until I would be immediately hung up on. However this time, the phone rang, and I heard the most wonderful words: "Stern show. Hold on, we'll put you on the air."
Stern put me on air and told me I won the tickets! Holy crap!
Before I attended the show with a friend, I wanted to do something fun and goofy. I ended up drawing the cover you see above, and had the black & white version blown up to poster size, and pasted on a stiff foam core board. I thought it would be fun to flash it around if the camera ever was pointed at me.
So there I was, at the theater in Newark, New Jersey with a friend, poster in hand. I was excited to get seated, when one of Howard Stern's regular members of the so-called "Wack Pack", Melrose Larry Green, was raising a ruckus. He is a frequent caller to the Stern show and is best known for screaming “Murderer” at the top of his lungs while OJ Simpson entered and exited the LA courthouse during his trial. In person, Melrose Larry was just... creepy. Seeing him there made me suddenly feel self-conscious about holding my poster, like I would be perceived as much of a disturbing wacko as he was.
Right then a man walked up and introduced himself, and asked to see the poster I had drawn. It was Don Buchwald, whom I knew was Howard Stern's agent. Still feeling creeped out by Melrose Larry, I was very embarrassed to show Mr. Buchwald my Fartman comic book cover. He liked what he saw and complimented my work, then I moved on from him with my friend telling me I should go talk to him about doing a Fartman comic book! For some stupid reason, I didn't heed his suggestion. I didn't have any confidence in myself.
In late 1995, Howard Stern's Miss America hit the bookstores. I made sure to get a copy, and when I did, my jaw hit the floor. There was a Fartman comic book printed within the pages of the book! It was penciled & inked by fellow comic book illustrator (and now incredibly talented storyboard artist) Tom Morgan, who did a fine job drawing the comic book story.
But why wasn't that Fartman illustrator ME?!?
All I could think of since then was, what if I had made a point of speaking with Don Buchwald about doing a Fartman comic book? Would that have led to me being the artist on the comic book story instead of being in the position of envying Tom Morgan for doing it instead? Tom is one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet, and I was very happy he got to have fun drawing that story. But could I have been the one to have the pleasure of drawing a comic book of the adventures of the amazing Fartman, for the even more amazing Howard Stern himself?
I will never know the answer to this, and this always drives me nuts when I reminisce about it.
I will always believe that by not stepping up and speaking with Howard Stern's agent, I absolutely missed any chance to work on one of the most unique projects of all time.
Step up, boys and girls. TAKE INITIATIVE! You never know what opportunity you're missing if you don't.
